Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
