in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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