Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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