i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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