Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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