Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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