the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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