Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
