you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
