It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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