your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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