I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
