we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
