guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
