we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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