Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
time to smoke my breakfast
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
