This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
