I hate all girls vehemently.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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