So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
