do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
