So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
