And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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