there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
