ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
