I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
