next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
