I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
