I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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