we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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