I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ttyl tear gas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
