Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got her a Nickelback box set.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
