Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
