I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
