do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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