We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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