I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
