I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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