You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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