i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
