I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
