Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
