I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
