he shaved USA in his pubs
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
