He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
