I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
