i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
