Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
