Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
