Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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