I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
