when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
