He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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