if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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