I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am available for nakedness
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
