There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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