You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
