Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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