wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
