Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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