Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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