sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
