Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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