Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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